Strictly 2025: Glitter, Guts, and a Line-up No One Recognises

By Jon Donnis

It's that time of year again. Sequins are back, the spray tan machine is on overdrive, and the BBC is pretending that we all still care who wins a glitterball trophy. Yes, Strictly Come Dancing is waltzing its way back onto BBC One this autumn with a "star-studded" line-up that will have most viewers reaching for Google within seconds.

Let's be honest. You'll be lucky if you recognise one of them. Maybe two if you've accidentally left EastEnders on after The One Show. The rest? A baffling mix of minor TV relics, YouTubers with subscriber counts that sound impressive until you realise you've never heard of them, and sportspeople whose glory days were around the time of dial-up internet.

First up is Harry Aikines-Aryeetey, or "Nitro" for those who actually watched the new Gladiators. He's a proper athlete, fair play, but sprinting across a track doesn't exactly prepare you for the cha-cha-cha. Then there's Alex Kingston, who you might recall from ER or Doctor Who, depending on how long you've been alive. She's arguably the most recognisable name here, which says everything.

Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink is joining too, apparently trading his 30 year old football boots for ballroom shoes. It's a bold move for a man whose dancing experience probably begins and ends with goal celebrations. EastEnders actor Balvinder Sopal made the cut as well, which means one or two soap fans might actually have something to get excited about.

And then it gets murky. There's George Clarke, not the architect from Amazing Spaces, but a YouTuber who goes by "George Clarkey." Because what Strictly really needed was more influencers with ring lights. La Voix from RuPaul's Drag Race UK is here too, so at least there'll be a middle aged man with too much plastic surgery on the dance floor, which as the BBC knows is exactly what the audience wants..

Chris Robshaw, former England rugby captain, will likely approach the tango with the same intensity he once used to flatten opponents. Meanwhile, model Ellie Goldstein is a genuinely inspiring addition, having made British Vogue history, so expect her to be one of the season's bright spots.

Thomas Skinner from The Apprentice will bring his usual Essex charm (and possibly a sales pitch for mattresses). Vicky Pattison is also on board, proving that if you stay on reality TV long enough, you eventually end up on Strictly. Stefan Dennis, aka Paul Robinson from Neighbours, joins too, which will thrill your nan and confuse everyone else.

Ross King, the man ITV keeps in LA to remind us that Los Angeles exists, is swapping red carpets for rumba. Karen Carney, football pundit and ex-England star, might surprise a few people. And rounding it out is Lewis Cope from Emmerdale and Amber, a Welsh actor-slash-podcaster-slash-"TV personality" (because apparently, we've run out of job titles).

Oh, and poor Kristian Nairn, Hodor himself, was meant to appear before dropping out for medical reasons. Given the current line-up, he might have dodged a bullet.

So there you have it. A "celebrity" cast that feels more like a random group chat than a prime-time line-up. Come autumn, we'll all be pretending to care, half-cheering for the one face we actually know, and secretly wondering if the BBC's casting department is just picking names out of a hat these days. Still, it's Strictly, and no matter how obscure the contestants get, we'll be watching, even if it's just to laugh at the footwork.